Our second winner of the contest was Mrs. C and her question was "Why do some people blame God for the death of a loved one and go through the entire process blaming him instead of leaning on Him in their time of need?"
Disclaimer: The topic that we are about to blog about is different with every person. Everybody grieves differently this is just our opinion. Jana is going to share her personal story.
When I was eight years old my father commited suicide. He was a ex police officer with a major alcohol problem, my mother knew things were headed south but I guartnee you she had no idea this was about to take place. He had been in a mental hospital and was working on getting better. My mother had decided she was going to have to leave him, it wasn't a safe place for me or my siblings. He was realsed from the hospital and hich-hiked to our house. My mother was gathering her things to leave for a couple of days, when my father arrived home he was furious. He loved my mother and my mother loved him but it wasn't a safe place. They began to argue and fight. About what? I probably will never know. They fought for awhile and I guess it snapped in his head. There was one more gun left in our house in my brothers closet. He got the gun, sat on the couch and took his life right there in our living room. My mother was in shock, got the neighbor, and called for help. Being an ex police officer every officer showed up to our house that day, it was the talk of the force and the town for a while. I will never forget when my mom told me; her, my cousins, and aunts were in the room on the bed. I walked in not knowing what was going on. During their fighting back in forth my mother hurt her arm so she had it in a sling. I asked what happened and she didn't respond. My aunt said "Jana, your father has passed." Being eight years old I had no idea what that meant. "I am sorry?" I responded. "Your father died, he is no longer here." All I can remember is letting out the loudest scream and throwing myself on the bed. Pressing my face and body as hard as I could into the matress. Why? Why did this happen to me? To MY Daddy? What was I going to do?
It was an awful time in mine and mothers life, but what we didn't know was it was a brand new start to an amazing new life. God knew all along why that happened to us, his timing and reasoning is perfect. We began the grieving process. It was slow with ups and downs. Have you ever heard the saying "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger." ? Well it is true. It has taken me nearly 12 years to fully understand why that happened to me. My mother remarried a wonderful Godly man who loves her, me, and our family so much. God allowed them to meet in a very cool way (that is a whole 'nother story) I have grown in God and other relationships through the death of my father. Do I wish he was here? Of course I do. But I have one awesome story. I don't know...actually I KNOW I wouldn't be who I was if that didn't happen. It made me fully depend on Him and allow Him to work in my life. It made my family FULLY dependent on Him and only Him because at that time in our life what else did we have? Yes our family but they can not comfort like our God can. We will never know why he takes people away from us but I know from prayer and seeking Him it was for our own good. Like I said before it has taken me awhile but I can honestly say I can now thank Him for that experience, and realize what I DO have. Maybe he did it to humble us? Maybe he did it to make us lean on Him? Maybe He did it to show us HE is in total control?
I hope this explains or helps if you are questioning God on this type of situation. Every person reacts differently to situations, we just have to trust in Him and His love!
"I may walk through valleys as dark as death, but I won't be afraid. You are with me, and your shepaerds rod makes me feel safe." Psalm 23:4 CEV
Love in Christ
Alicia and Jana
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